Tuesday, 9 July 2013

The Small Town Girl

I was talking to old school friends studying and settled in big cities today. Random conversations about 'cute' guys and 'hot' chicks were picked up. We spoke about college, crushes, flings and relationships.
One casually remarked that she'd be going on a date with Mr C--, it confused me because she was dating  Mr A-- . I thought maybe I heard her wrong, and I asked her again,"Did you say C". She told me that I heard her right, that she was in a relationship with another guy and going on a casual date with someone else. She told me that her relationship didn't mean much to her, that it is a very casual affair and her guy knows that as well, so she isn't 'cheating' anyone. It all seemed very amusing to me on a superficial note. I was thinking deep within however, about the big things about commitments that she used to talk about when we were younger and 'small-towners'.
I spoke to another when he told me that he was in an 'open' relationship with a girl. Now, I have never been able to understand the whole need of an 'open' relationship. What is the need of being in a relationship if it's not exclusive. What is the need of being in a relationship if you don't love the other person. 'For the fun of it', 'to avoid having any strings attached', I am often told. How can uttering 'I love yous' to someone whom you don't feel to be fun, I wonder. Moreover, if at all that kind of 'fun' is something you must experience, then why is getting into a relationship such a necessity. One can surely go around flirting with all and sundry without the tag of an 'open' relationship as well. Why bother being in a relationship at all...for the feel of it, seriously! (I know I'm sounding like a nagging 50 year old sermonizing little kids...but, just bear with me!).
Another conversation which disturbed me was when my friend told me about the 'friends with benefits' relation which was no longer a big deal in his group. 'No feelings, no baggage, just fun', that was his take on it. It disgusted me. The very thought of getting intimate with someone whom you don't feel for romantically  made me despise him for a while. Wasn't it all supposed to be a beautiful part of love. Wasn't it yesterday when getting intimate was purely an act of deep emotions, passionate love and just that. Isn't it maligning the beauty, the purity of friendship and love as well. Or maybe that is how I look at it, maybe I am wrong, very wrong. Maybe!
These conversations got me thinking. They made me feel like there's something extremely wrong that's happening to my people, to the younger generation around me, to my India. Have we blindly started aping just all the ugly and convenient western concepts. Have we lost our conscience, our respect for love, for friendship. Or is it just a new idea of fun that we have accepted.
I wonder if it is just me to whom it seems odd. I wonder if I'm overreacting to it all. Maybe, I should have just reacted saying,'Oh, we're young...this is the time to have fun'. But, no matter how hard I try, it just doesn't happen. It frustrates me when people use YOLO (You Only Live Once ) to justify everything that they ever do in their lives. What a shame to have such a limited idea of fun!
I fail to relate to it, but I'm trying hard to understand. Maybe this is another idea of liberalization. Another idea of freedom which is very alien to me. For me physical intimacy was always an act of deep emotional bonding. Just when the emotions got separated from it, is something I fail to understand. I want to though...I really want to. I want to develop a deeper understanding of it. I want to act all liberal and 'cool' about it. I fail to, though. 
I wonder when the ideologies of people started changing. Maybe, it's all of the hormones to be blamed. Come on, let's just all blame it on estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. We're all their slaves, aren't we!
Maybe, I've been overreacting to it. I totally understand that people have different ideologies of leading their lives. I am no one here to sit and moralize. These are simply my ideas which I wanted to bring up.
I am scared that this drifting away from the conventional relationships will put us in constant fear of long term commitments and strong emotional bonds. I fear this is not a very pleasant thing that might happen. Maybe it is the 'Allahabadi' morals drilled so deeply into me that are doing all the talking. But, a huge part of me feels that they are right.