Sunday 30 December 2012

Love is evil


Love is the purest feeling they say. They lie, I say.

That day I saw you for the first time and the way you were looking for an excuse to speak to me…I knew right then that you had fallen for me. Remember how you felt that I didn’t even notice you…I faked it…I noticed you…everything about you. From that small scar on top of your eyebrow to the small mole on your upper lip…I noticed it all. Love is not truthful all the times, it lies sometimes…it fakes.
That time when I flatly refused to be the least interested in you…I totally was. I just wanted to see if I mean so much for you that you’d wait. Love doubts…it mistrusts.
When you told me that you might have to go to a different college, because you got selected there and it’s way better academically, remember how I acted all ‘oh-I-am-so-happy-for-you’. I wasn’t completely happy for you…a huge part of me grieved…grieved for itself. I didn’t want you to go. Love is selfish…just a bit…but it is.
You know those times when I act all broadminded refusing to give a damn about you being close to those REALLY pretty girls. I actually do give a damn…way more than that. A part of me burns when I see you treating them even remotely close to the way you treat me. Those big talks about giving ‘space’…I don’t know how they go down the drain so quickly. That’s when I realize that theory and practice are two very different things. It takes a lot of self-persuasion to tell myself that you have all the rights in the world to be very close friends with a girl…even if she is insanely beautiful. Oh, love is a jealous thing…and possessive too…very, very possessive.
There are these times when I pinch you really hard with the bitterest things in the planet. I do it on purpose. I just want to see if you would STILL love me…if you would still love me as much. Trust me, I am not this mean or heartless. It’s just love that makes me do this. It can be heartless at times.
And most importantly, remember when I say that I’d always love you…that is the biggest lie. The truth is that I’d love you only as long as you’d love me or maybe a little longer or maybe, a lot longer. But, then gradually it’ll begin to die…and that love for you will transform into hate. Hatred will meet a similar fate…it will grow only to diminish again. Eventually, they will all be replaced by one feeling-indifference and that will sustain forever.
Love is evil…I tell you…it’s pure evil!

18 comments:

  1. well sorry to say..bt sll u have written abu love is complete balder dash!! the sanctity of love is beyond all wat u have written!! its the most selfless thing in the universe, n if its true love, it cn wait fr a lifetime!!! with the hope tht smeday they wil rejoin in eternity!! wat u r saying is nowhere even close to love!

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    1. dear anonymous guy/gal..please reaveal yourself before passing on ur views on her post..i find it completely true!

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    2. Dear Anonymous user,
      Firstly, I think you should have the guts to speak your mind out without concealing your identity.Secondly, see these are simply my views about it, it may or may not agree with yours...you don't have to get all offended about it. The whole point of the post was to bring out the irony that though love is the most beautiful feeling in the world; yet ugly feelings like possessiveness and jealousy creep into it.Maybe, you couldn't get that. And lastly, as far as waiting till eternity is concerned, I believe waiting for someone who chose to walk out from your life is the most foolish thing you can do. It means that you don't love yourself enough. If you would, then you wouldn't choose to hurt yourself by waiting for someone who didn't care enough to stay with you in the first place.I guess moving on is a better option.

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    3. ya, bt dont u think if its true love, iits worth the wait??

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    4. n wat u r saying is the diplomacy!! tht has no quota here, ofcourse moving on is the best thing, bt wat if u cnt move on???? if u still love the person, n maybe if the othaa person also loves u, bt is nt wit u cos of the damned circumstances??? bt i dont blame u, u mite be having a perfect life wit ur mr perfect, thts y u have tis view, heart break teaches loads of things,maybe urs is a happy go lucky life thts y ur views r so..n as far as identity is concerned,u newas dnt knw me, neither i knw u, so it wnt matter!! n mine is jus the first cmment nt the subsequent ones, so dnt get smoldered up!

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    5. Everyone is capable of moving on dear, everyone...it just takes a little too long for some people. And, maybe the other person loves you too...but, maybe not even half as much as you do...because, no matter how difficult the circumstances are, if they truly love you...nothing can really stop them from being with you.'Circumstances' is just one word picked up from the dictionary by those who could just never love strongly enough. And trust me, there is no Mr perfect in my life too...'Mr Perfect' and a'Perfect life' is a myth.I've been hurt really badly too, I've felt the same way as you do right now...I've had this feeling that I can never move on...NEVER EVER...only to realise later, that I can, that life can be beautiful again. You just need to learn to let go. The sooner you'd do that, the easier it'll become for you.
      Love,
      Charul

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    6. i wish i could be as strong as u do charul....bt alas i m nt...nt just able too...i wish i had ur views..i jus wish...bt its so completely idiotic tht smetimes u sheepishly cnt just rule out certain morons out of ur life!! even though u knw u no longer exist in their vicinity..bt tis heart jus says..jus wait fr a little longer..maybe he will cme backk..though the entire world both inside n outside u knws the truth..ha ha..strange ways of life..newas i jus hope u neva eva even get the situation of moving on frm a relationship cos thts the most hurtful thing i have eva knwn, i jus hope u n ur mr not so perfect stays by ur side all the time..reply:):)
      WELLWISHER;)

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    7. I wasn't this strong always...it's the adverse circumstances that mould us into strong individuals...we barely have much to contribute to it! Give yourself some more time...and tell yourself it's completely okay to be stuck to some things a little longer, it's just because they were too important for you. Try diverting your energies to other things...your career, friends and family. The more you'd chase it and want it back...the harder it might get for you. Most importantly, accept the fact that, that person can never again be a part of your life. Unless, you accept it completely, you'd keep clinging on to the hope that thay'd be back; and you'd never really be able to move on that way.
      And as for my Mr not-so-perfect always staying by my side, no matter how cliched it sounds but the truth is that the only thing certain about life is uncertainty...and I've kind of accepted it. I hope he does stay forever, even otherwise I guess life would have something wonderful in store for me.
      All this that I just wrote came out of the fact that I could connect to you at some point. Don't consider it to be shitty preaching.
      And, I really wish you could comment through your profile. There's this huge part of me which would like to know who you are. The start of a beautiful friendship can be something as unexpected as this. :)

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    8. well mine is a different belief u see..strongly believe in a thing, n ie if u really want smething the entire universe conspires for u to acheive it...alchemist stuff, bt i strongly believe in it..n u knw maybe u r a part of the conspiration, take it tht way..fa nw u cnb gime a name.. smetthin u wud like tro cal me..a anonymous friend..n i m damn sure he will cme back to me..one day maybe

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    9. jus pray tht he does:)

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  2. complete waste of five minutes.. please write something sensible

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    1. Dear I-am-too-chicken-to-use-my-own-profile-for-commenting,
      I am sorry your precious 5 minutes got wasted...but, this is how I write.There is no dearth of amazing stuff on web that you may find sensible...maybe you can invest your time there.

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  3. APRAMIT: I realy don't understand y it always happens to 1 whu seriously is in love wit other selflesly... I hav no idea abt others bt I hav loved sum1 truly and I was faked... :-(

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  5. the best part is the last para..so practical and realistic...

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  6. this post really reminded me of my school crush. Never got courage to speak a single word to her but down in my heart really felt for her and cared about her a lot. After so many years when i m old and still searching for love i feel like i can never get it. Your blog compliments my feelings :) nice write-up (Y)

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    1. Thank you :) . It feels good to know that it struck a chord with you.

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