I was standing on a cliff overlooking the sea with a friend. My feet slipped on it a bit, was about to fall but then he held me and I got back my balance. ‘You better stay far from the edge, because I can’t swim and if you drown in that sea…I don’t even know if I’ll jump to save you,’ he said. A seemingly harmless line. It wasn't though. It was the originator of a complex thought process in my mind.
Me: ’You wouldn't You’d watch me drown! I would have definitely jumped to save you if you’d be drowning,’
Him: ’That’s because you know how to swim Charul, I would have jumped to save even a random person if I knew how to swim. It’s just that I know that I will in any case not be able to save you.’
Me: ‘But still, how can you just watch me die! Wouldn't you try! How can you not!’
Him: ‘Charul, you’ve lost it. Can we talk about something else. You’re not dying, okay? Stop creating stupid hypothetical situations and expect me to act like Hrithik Roshan in Kaho Na Pyar Hai. This is life. I really don’t know how I’d act. I might jump. I might not. I’d want to save you, but the fear of losing my own life may stop me from jumping. I really don’t know. Now, please stop it.’
And, then I was lost thinking about my Mr Perfect. Kept thinking and rethinking what his answer would be. Would he jump to save me, knowing that it might mean his own death. Could my life mean more to him than his own. That’s what true love is, no. It’s foolish, passionate, impractical, selfless and crazy.
I think he would jump. He should. Maybe, he won’t. Maybe, he will. I think he will. He should. I don’t know.
I think I overthink. I most certainly do. Someday, it might drive me crazy, or may be it already has. Another criteria added to the ‘must-haves’ in my Mr Perfect- ‘He must jump to save me if I’m drowning, even if he doesn't know how to swim.’