My earliest
memories of childhood have been prominently marked with recitals of the list of
restrictions. The list which only grew longer as I grew older. The list
contained 'preventive measures' for lecherous groping, unasked stares and although
it was never spoken openly, the most prominent reason was to make sure that go through
my life without being raped. We've lived in constant fear...yes, all of us. Our
mothers, our brothers, our sisters, our uncles, our best friends, our teachers...all
of them. They have all feared. They gave norms of female behaviour. Rules to
follow if you want to continue being un-raped:
- Do not stay out till late in the night.
- If at all you have to stay out, stay in large groups. Never stay alone.
- Avoid travelling alone at all cost.
- Wear decent dresses.
- If you are eve-teased, do not respond. Ignore and move on.
I did not
question any of them, they all made sense to me. A lot of sense. However,
sometimes I do get a little annoyed when my mother would become completely
paranoid when my phone went out of reach even for a minute when I was in a
different city. How she started reciting the 'Crime Patrol' episodes to me
and though she never directly said it, I know she silently feared that
something similar happened to me! I remember feeling the need to urgently use
the washroom at 1 AM in the train when I was travelling alone and the dilemma
that I was caught in for twenty minutes because of a tragic episode of a girl
which a friend shared with me a day back.
I remember
putting my best friend's number on speed dial on my phone, clutching the
umbrella with all my might, rehearsing mentally how I'll handle the situation
because the auto driver seemed notorious and was passing obnoxious glances to a
fellow on the bike. I was revising all the self-defence techniques I had read,
seen or heard about. However, he was going through the right route. In five
minutes, I reached my destination. I let out a sigh of relief. Not a rapist! I
rebuked myself for over-analysing situations. This is how maniacal fear can
turn anyone- it can make us label any man in a thinly populated area, beyond
eight in the night as a potential rapist.
We all live
with and through this fear every day...every single day. For our daughters,
sisters, friends, students and sometimes for ourselves. We have lived in constant
fear and we continue to live in it. The most painful part is that we do not
find anything wrong about the fear any longer. We have accepted it as an
essential part of our lives, an inseparable part!
What am I
complaining about and why am I complaining you may ask! Have I had a very hard
life? No. Have I been deprived of any opportunities because of my gender? No. Am
I not happy with my life? No, I am. I
have a very beautiful life, a great family, wonderful friends and a promising
career ahead of me! So, what is wrong? Why I am cribbing. I am cribbing because
of some UNNECESSARY(as you may call them) freedoms which I have been deprived
of. Little cravings that I have of a solitary walk in the night having the breeze
play with my hair. I wonder sometimes how it would be to travel all by myself
to say, Pondicherry, to sit by the rocky beach at five in the morning and feel
the waves splash over me as I think about the story of my first book. I have
musings about dropping to my friend's place anytime of the night riding my bike
without having someone to guard me. I wonder sometimes what it is like to be
completely unguarded, I wonder what absolute freedom tastes like. I wonder what
it's like to not ask my male friends to accompany me when it becomes late and
to be completely independent. The thought of it seems very enticing, I
visualise it and I fall in love with the idea of it over and over again.
I do not
know how to go about making the change that I wish to see in the world around
me but I know that I have to do something. I know for a fact that I cannot
continue living with this fear forever. I know that I have to take steps, and I
am unsure about what the first one will be but I know the solutions will come
along. I need your help, of all of you, in stemming out the fear from each one
of us.
I know the
article sounds incomplete and the thoughts incoherent. This was a swell of emotions which had to come out. Pardon me, because I have no idea
about what I have to do to make a difference. I just know that I have to do it
and I will do it. I urge you all to help me and join me, we'll figure out a way. Trust me,
we will!
